Archive for December 19th, 2004

Fools and Money

Sunday, December 19th, 2004

I get email. I get lots of email. Most of it is spam, of course. Some of it is “You forgot my 2003 8th place finish in the something-or-other Championships.” Much of it is “I think our websites are a good match. I’ve placed a link to your site on my links page, along with a couple thousand other links. Will you list a link to my teeth-whitening or penis-extending site? If not, I’ll remove your site from mine.”

Then today, I get an email offering me to be a distributor for this new and exciting product, endorsed by Ronnie Coleman.

I go to the site, and the product is a set of patches that you place on your skin. Oh, I think, another homeopathic concentration of growth hormone, or something like that. But, no, not even that. From their website:

  • Convenient Non-Transdermal patch; nothing enters the body
  • Constructed from water, Oxygen and amino acids sealed inside a plastic shell

So it’s not a transdermal patch. Its a NON-transdermal patch. Nothing enters the body. You wear two pieces of plastic with water and amino acids inside.

Then they go on to talk about “passively interact with the human body for the purpose of inducing electron flow and thermomagnetic frequency modulation.”

Now I took quite a bit of [physics] in college, and I don’t remember any mention of thermomagnetic frequency modulation. So I googled it. Thermomagnetic is the conversion of heat directly to electricity. The term is usually used regarding superconductors, ceramics at very cold temperatures, -200 degrees and below, where electricity flows without resistance. Frequency Modulation is a method to place information in a signal, by modulating the frequency. You know, like FM radio. No where is the term “thermomagnetic frequency modulation” used anywhere on the web other than with regards to this product. There are no examples of frequency modulation, thermomagnetic or not, in biological systems. I know of no examples of the thermomagnetic conversion of heat to electricity in the human body. (Please let me know of any.)

And how does one passively interact with anything? I think that qualifies as an oxymoron.

As part of their news items, they state the product is once again proven to be non-transdermal! Yeah, well, hard plastic will do that.

If pieces of plastic filled with water, oxygen and amino acids have an effect on the human body, what has my soft contact lenses been doing to me all these years? How much of an effect would a bottle of Gatorade stuck down your pants have?

We are truly an illiterate society.